I haven’t been in the writing mood of late – I’ve been in the “hide under the covers and binge watch ‘Scandal'” mood. The reason? I’m having surgery this Wednesday. It’s a routine procedure, but it’s not minor, and while I’m pretty much done with freaking out and reading potential complications on Google, I still am not sleeping.
So what am I having done? I wish I could say a face lift and a tummy tuck, but it’s not nearly that fun. I’m having a D&C, endometrial ablation, and a laparoscopic tubal ligation. In other words, my doc is going to scrape then fry my uterine lining, and then poke holes through my belly button to fry my tubes as well. I’ve been having really rough periods of late – not just heavy, but really nasty and painful and getting worse each month. So I went to my Gyn, hoping she’d just prescribe me some decent meds. I had several un-fun and uncomfortable tests and found out that I have hyperplasia, or an unusually thickened uterine lining. I could either go on hormones (a no-go for me), or, because we’re done having kids, I could have the ablation. Since after ablation, getting pregnant would be life-threatening to me (if I even could conceive… I’d likely miscarry or face uterine rupture), I’m having a tubal at the same time.
My husband has long wanted to be done having kids, while I was holding on to the hope until about a year ago. Still, the realization that in three days I will be completely sterile is a bit freaky, as is the thought of being in pain, and general anesthesia. Hence the sleepless nights and generally crappy feelings.
And of course, having an ED makes it all so much more fun! Feeling crappy and emotional = wanting to eat really crappy food = stomach upset = wanting/needing to purge & restrict = feeling crappy and emotional and screwing up my health. It is the cycle that keeps me eating healthy and regularly, but for a bunch of reasons I’m not up for it right now. Yet while I’m able to eat some new foods (I had fried dough and a bratwurst this week, which is huge for me), I still had several panic attacks when I went into restaurants, ordered a meal, and then found out the caloric and fat content. Thankfully I have an ok fall-back list of safe foods, which is not ideal but better than a 1200 calorie flatbread at Chilis. Really, how do you fit 1200 calories on a little flatbread with tomato?
So I don’t have any wise insights, or even movement on my recovery, except to say that when you are facing a serious medical issue, a. don’t consult Dr. Google, b. don’t poke around and watch anorexia movies on YouTube, and c. stay away from chain restaurants and skillet chocolate chip cookies.
On the plus side, for the next week I’m off work, restricted to bed and rest, and I plan to spend it hiding under my covers zoned on Percocet and binge watching Netflix. I hear “Orange is the New Black” is pretty good.
Happy trails –