I’m in a weird place. My depression seems to be better, and yet my anorexia seems to be getting worse. I feel lost, confused. I’m trying to envision what recovery looks like for me, and I realize that I have no idea. That’s just bizarre. I started on this path when I was 15/16 (I don’t remember exactly when or how) Continue reading
My weight has been bothering me as of late, which should not be much of a surprise. Although I came through my surgery ok, it took me really the last five weeks to fully recover, and even then I’m often tired. It’s also been the start of the academic year, my kids started a new school, and so everything for me is in turmoil. I look at my now pouchy stomach Continue reading
I’m doing better these days, or so T and I agreed. I’m eating, not obsessing over food, and haven’t had a panic attack about food in several weeks, possibly a month. Yes, I still do “inappropriate compensating behaviors,” my socially-acceptable euphamism Continue reading
I haven’t been in the writing mood of late – I’ve been in the “hide under the covers and binge watch ‘Scandal'” mood. The reason? I’m having surgery this Wednesday. It’s a routine procedure, but it’s not minor, and while I’m pretty much done with freaking out and reading potential complications on Google, I still am not sleeping. Continue reading
This blog isn’t about my story. It’s about all of our stories. It’s for anyone who has ever looked at themselves in the mirror and said, “I’m not worthy,” or “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m hideous.” Anyone who has kept their secret far away from everyone they care for, to try to hide the shame and embarrassment. Anyone who looks at a stranger or a celebrity who is thinner and thinks how undisciplined I must be, because I couldn’t help but eat/binge/purge/cut/hit today. That’s me. That might be you. We’re not alone, and we’re not freaks.