The bitch inside

I was leaving a long day of meetings, lost in the myriad of parking lots and unable to find my car, feeling like a total idiot, when I heard her again. You know her. She’s the one who nitpicks every thing I do, from how I dress, to what I said, to who I talked to, and to how much I ate. At that moment, she was berating me for having a glass of wine, eating chicken at lunch, Continue reading

What I believe (or better yet, what Ana has me believe)

T asked me to write up a list of my beliefs. Knowing my anal-retentive perfectionist tendencies, she declared that I could not create a database for my list or write up an optimization formula, or even benchmark it against other people’s belief lists. So I wrote one, and it was okay, but I realized that there’s another side to my beliefs that was staring right back at me as I looked in the fridge tonight and saw nothing Continue reading

Names will never hurt you

Long before I started this blog, when I started with my latest T last fall, I wanted to know what I should call my eating disorder. Ed seems the natural name – except that in my head, the woman with the megaphone is definitely a woman. She’s loud, she’s obnoxious, she’s rude… and at some level I know she’s wrong. But she’s not an “Ed.” Continue reading