The bitch inside

I was leaving a long day of meetings, lost in the myriad of parking lots and unable to find my car, feeling like a total idiot, when I heard her again. You know her. She’s the one who nitpicks every thing I do, from how I dress, to what I said, to who I talked to, and to how much I ate. At that moment, she was berating me for having a glass of wine, eating chicken at lunch,

What I believe (or better yet, what Ana has me believe)

T asked me to write up a list of my beliefs. Knowing my anal-retentive perfectionist tendencies, she declared that I could not create a database for my list or write up an optimization formula, or even benchmark it against other people’s belief lists. So I wrote one, and it was okay, but I realized that there’s another side to my beliefs that was staring right back at me as I looked in the fridge tonight and saw nothing

Recovery – the great unknown

I’m in a weird place. My depression seems to be better, and yet my anorexia seems to be getting worse. I feel lost, confused. I’m trying to envision what recovery looks like for me, and I realize that I have no idea. That’s just bizarre. I started on this path when I was 15/16 (I don’t remember exactly when or how) 

Inside ED: Yet another food panic

My weight has been bothering me as of late, which should not be much of a surprise. Although I came through my surgery ok, it took me really the last five weeks to fully recover, and even then I’m often tired. It’s also been the start of the academic year, my kids started a new school, and so everything for me is in turmoil. I look at my now pouchy stomach