Loneliness

My brother is an alcoholic, and while he’s been recovered for over 20 years, he’s still pretty active in AA. He goes to meetings, he counsels others, he volunteers, he works the steps. And though I don’t envy him and the battles he’s faught, he has something I don’t. Support. And acceptance. And a modicum of understanding.

Blame Canada!

One of the great misconceptions about EDs is that we all are where we are because of (fill in the blank): society’s expectation of women, thin models and actresses, girls expected to mature far too young, processed food, thinspiration, sex, our drive for success… I’m sure you could add at least ten more things to that list.  The reality is that when I’m awake at 12:45 in the morning and thinking about food instead of sleep, and realizing that tomorrow it will be harder to control food because I can’t sleep, and cursing the Ambien for not working, the only society I blame is the Society of Me.

The road to somewhere else

This blog isn’t about my story.  It’s about all of our stories.  It’s for anyone who has ever looked at themselves in the mirror and said, “I’m not worthy,” or “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m hideous.”  Anyone who has kept their secret far away from everyone they care for, to try to hide the shame and embarrassment.  Anyone who looks at a stranger or a celebrity who is thinner and thinks how undisciplined I must be, because I couldn’t help but eat/binge/purge/cut/hit today.  That’s me.  That might be you.  We’re not alone, and we’re not freaks.